Tutu Strange!!
Reports are coming in that Welshy has been seen attending ballet classes in Stockton Heath. Now he might try to fob you off with far fetched excuses such as he’s only taking his little girl. But how many little girls wear size 12 ballet shoes and pink leotards?? This story will continue.

Champagne and Tapas
Some of the more observant among you may have noticed the garden gazebo which has sprouted on the scoreboard side of the pitch. This is not a case of the person whose house borders our ground trying to extend his land. It is in fact our new refreshment facility. This will be operated and serviced by our club chairman Johnnie Jones and his aide-de-camp, Rocky Turner and will dispense Bucks Fizz, mariscos and patatas bravas during home games.
Note… The refreshment pavilion was due to open for the game against Glossop. Unfortunately, mine hosts were away at the races. However, Rocky did phone Steve Hennessey and told him to put a tab behind the bar. Thanksh a lot, Rocky, we slurped a few on yer!!

Bitter and Pies
Unfortunately, Champagne and tapas have been taken off the menu, mainly because of mutterings from Judge McGuinness. However, best bitter and pies are available. The ale is provided by JJ and the pies by Rocky. There is no till, just an honesty box. This is a welcome oasis, complete with its own patio heater and well worth a visit. All proceeds go to club funds and mine hosts are to be applauded. (And the pies are superb.)

Eye! Eye!
They say that, as you get older, certain bodily functions deteriorate. It would seem that some people’s bodily functions deteriorate more than others. Take Roy Potts. He strolled over to watch the twos play the threes the other week and staring intently into distance, he asked Willow, “Is that Dave Broadbent reffing?”  Those of you who were there that day will recall that the ref was around 6 foot 2 and of obvious Afro-Caribbean descent. Ermm??

Kicking for touch

Kicking for touch is an art. Good practitioners of the art are worth their weight in gold. Jamesy, was a past master. Sean McDermott aspires to greatness and sometimes gets there. Richie McNair has been known to show some deft touches. However, it appears that no one has the pin-point accuracy of Kev Jones. You may have noticed that whenever Kev’s name appears in the press, it is always qualified by an adjective such as “veteran” or “long-serving”. This has obviously got to our silver surfer winger and the other Saturday he took his revenge. Finding himself in space in his own 22, Kevin looked up and saw the author of these geriatric slanders standing on the touchline near Rocky’s bar, enjoying a pint. Tuning in his GPS, he immediately launched an Exocet of a punt that landed smack on target – the pint of bitter in my hand!!! Highly amusing Kevin but I can see you going greyer by the minute!