The Ever-Changing Face of Thommo

Thommo, our illustrious first team captain, is probably many things to many men. However, you probably never thought of him as a snappy dresser. Well think again! Just check him out after the match and prepare to be amazed. No longer do the first team dress smart casual. It is now strictly smart. Thommo even sports cufflinks with his immaculately pressed shirt and perfectly knotted tie!

Unfortunately his new found sartorial elegance does not extend to the pitch, as was demonstrated in the game against Dukinfield, that well known Spoonerism of our league. Although, for once, he wore a number 2 shirt, albeit stolen from the new colts’ kit, he amazed his team-mates and the Warrington supporters by finishing off his ensemble with a scrum cap. Now we have nothing against scrum caps but the combination of a number 2 shirt and a scrum cap gave him an uncanny resemblance to Steve Tickle. This resemblance was even further reinforced when even his way of running caused the Warrington crowd to ask why Thommo wasn’t playing and Tickle was hooking. Fortunately, he dispensed with the headgear in the second half and a couple of signature, suicidal drives soon re-established his true identity.

What’s a Stereotype?

…A Loose Head for Ryan We all have stereotypes of what kind of athletes, or otherwise, play in the various positions on a Rugby team. For example, anybody meeting Steve Tickle for the first time would never guess he was a prop. But there again, nobody would ever put Ryan Carter down for a prop. Even Ryan Carter in his wildest moments, and he’s had some wild moments, would never dream of competing with Granty for his place in the ones. But man-molehill Ryan was pressed into service in the front row in a recent third team game. Although the scrums were uncontested, Ryan still bored as many people who would listen after the game with his interpretation of the dark arts of the front row.

…Now That’s a Conversion Now somebody who does know a bit about front row play, be it at prop or hooker, is Lee Graham. Lee is probably also everybody’s stereotype of what a real prop looks like. So it may surprise you to know that Lee began his Rugby career as a centre/stand-off with Eagle. Naturally, he was a little lighter then and he could still squeeze into a pair of 32 inch waist shorts, but just keep your eyes open for the occasional sleight of hand and deft kick to touch. As they say, “You never lose it.”

Shorts

Speaking of shorts, two short stories have been brought to my attention.

The first concerns this season’s young first team tyro, Danny Newens ( not Newans!!) In the recent 2nd team cup game against Oswestry, Danny came of the bench as a second half replacement. However, for once, the thing which brought him most to the notice of the crowd was not his pin-point goalkicking or his electrifying pace. It was the tightness of his shorts. Whereas Lee Graham could once wear 32 inch waist shorts, Danny’s could have been no more than 28!. Nobody was more incredulous than Macker, who even doubted the young man’s gender and treated the crowd to a spirited version of “Danny Girl”

The second short story is definitely not for those with weak stomachs or those of a nervous disposition. It concerns that great leader of men and role model, Mick Mullen. Evidently, during the middle of a recent match, he felt compelled to relieve himself. Did he leave the field?? Not on your life. He just stood there with his hands on his hips, his shorts still firmly girded about his loins, and let nature take its course. According to reports, Mick then enjoyed a superb second half, as the opposition showed a strange reluctance to tackle him.

What’s the Score, Ref?

Whenever the score is in doubt, it is a simple matter to consult the match referee, who will consult his note pad and give you the answer. Unfortunately, this was not possible when our twos played Caldy, as the referee lost his pencil and he was unable to keep a record. It would seem that he could have solved his problem if he had been a little more observant and noticed that Mark Tickle had the pencil behind his right ear for most of th second half.